i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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