On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
