So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
