my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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