So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
