I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is my gift to your gina
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
