The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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