just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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