Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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