Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
