I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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