is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
