You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
