1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
