Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
