I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
