i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
