I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
