Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
