so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
