Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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