Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
