Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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