I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
