a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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