WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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