You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I lost the right to judge tonight
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
