if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
