New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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