dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
