it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
