Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
