I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
