I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
