Barsexuality is the new black.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
