Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
