Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
