Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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