i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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