She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
