What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
