We're like a lot better than the average bears
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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