I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just pee around me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
