He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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