question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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