I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
