we have officially lost it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
