I think my vagina is haunted
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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