hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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