Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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