I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm passing your future prison.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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