Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
