If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
