based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
