singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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